"My name is Jacen, hear me ROAR”

Jacen, that’s our son. That’s our baby boy! Not even three months yet (but he WILL be sooooon). I am amazed every day as I’m sure every new mom before has been with their babies, as he constantly learns. Before I get a chance to blink, he has learned how to do something new, grasp intentionally, smile, laugh, stick his tongue out when I do, look from side to side, follow my voice… everyday he learns something new and is all excitement to show me and to show off. He flirts, he giggles, he loves just about anyone giving him attention. His personality erupts from him. I am forever in awe of how much personality such a little thing can have, and how fast it starts to show.

Jace knows what he likes and he knows what he dislikes. Not only that, but he knows how to tell you. Already, we can see that he loves us as parents, but he is independent. Once he’s figured something out, he wants to do it. We want him to cuddle, but he wants to see the world. Different rooms, different sounds, different activities… he is enraptured and enthralled. He gets bored if we sit too long and he has ENERGY… we call him our little wiggle worm because sometimes he won’t stop moving! I lay him on his back and all four limbs are flailing. His arm and leg movements get more and more intentional but he cannot wait to figure out what to do with them. Now that he can hold himself up during tummy time, he is dying to move, always moving. Bath time sets him off as he commands the waves with his continual splashing... Completely enamored with the fact that he has an affect on the substance around him.

There is so much we have yet to discover about who our little man will grow up to be, and we are so excited to see it all unfold! The nicknames we come up with because of the little things he does are endless! Some come and go, some will probably stick around for a few more years. 

I look at Jacen, watch him smile and see the life he hasn't  even lived yet flash before my eyes. I see the drawings, the projects, the first day of school and the last, the sledding, the falls, the skinned knees, the can-i-keep-them pets, the bullies, the girlfriends, the mistakes, the tears, the undoubtable-endless laughs, the family nights, his journey of self-discovery, his graduation, the day he will leave for college. All of that rich, loved life fills my brain and I'm overwhelmed with excitement, anticipation, fear and awe. We get the honor of doing that journey with him, and we walk into that with all the love and excitement we have! 

There will be challenge, there will be opposition... He will face dark days as well as good days. He will fall and we hope to teach him how to get back up. But more than anything we hope to not only teach him to overcome challenges but to rise far above them. Thinking about this adventure-filled life he has yet to live, if there was one thing I hope he gets from his father and me in how to live it.... It's to live it fiercely. To live it full and live well, in love with His creator and founded in the identity that He gives him. It's to stand on the edge of the mountain and be able to shout "My name is Jacen, hear me roar." The book Wild At Heart talks about how boys intrinsically desire to be seen as a force to be reckoned with. My prayer is that Jacen finds the fulfillment of that desire in Christ and lives it out in confidence. 

I'm so happy we had a boy. I would've been amazingly happy to have a girl... But there is just something so much fun for me that I get the crazy enjoyment of raising a little man. I get the day that he will find the tree frog in our front bush and want to bring it in. I get the gross stories, all the nerdy boy things (which in my opinion are better than girl toys), I get the stick-sword fights, later on, the girl-friends (also better than dealing with the boyfriends).... Just thinking about each moment, I wish I could live them at the same time! If we had had a girl, I would be facing an entirely different adventure, and I would welcome it... But this, I find exhilarating.

When it comes to how quickly he will grow... This year alone will be full of firsts... Hard to believe how different he will be by the end of it all! Still, there is nothing but child-like excitement in my heart, as it sets off racing when I think about each moment. He's our little bean right now, our little goober, our sweet boy full of nothing but smiles and giggles. One day he will be a full grown man, ready to romance some lucky girl, ready to climb a mountain, ready to conquer, ready to show the world the person God made him to be. So the next time you see my little Jacen, just picture him saying "My name is Jacen, hear me ROAR!" As hard as that might be to do when he gives you that cute, little, heart-melting smile! 

A Reflection on 2013 and the New Year

I’ve made a simple goal with my New Years blog and that was to get it posted before the end of January. Getting it out halfway through while taking care of a two month old… I’m not ashamed to say I am fairly impressed with myself. Maybe someone else could have done better but I don’t particularly care. For me, that is pretty stinkin’ good.

Those of you that follow us know that this last year has been incredibly hard by any normal standard of life. When I look back on it myself now that I’m past the emotions of the moment… I am amazed at what we experienced. I was thankful to find a morning at the beginning of this month where I actually had a chance to simply reflect on 2013 and listen and hear what’s in store for 2014.

After reflecting, I would say the defining way to describe 2013 is that it was a year of the unknown. From January to December, we were following God blindly. There was no knowing what to expect. The magnitude of it all impresses itself onto me when I think about it deep enough… Putting myself into the past, into that moment where I just realized I felt like we were being called home. 2013 hadn’t happened yet. It was January of last year, Travis and I had just enjoyed New Years in the city of Sydney and were expectant and excited for another year at Hillsong. Then one week, not long after that… I sat Trav down and expressed that I suddenly felt like it was time to go home, with NO idea why. I remember being so overwhelmed when the new songs started to play during service at Hillsong… they played “Oceans” for the first time and I wept. That song defines our entire year.

We talked to the people in our lives at the time, seeking wisdom, seeking confirmation about the possibility of us going home. A few were skeptical, but we got our answer… Homeward. And then… it wasn’t until MARCH that we found out. We bought our tickets in January, and we made preparations through February. We sold belongings, applied to colleges, we readied our hearts for the move, and it wasn’t until the week before our flight that we found out. We were pregnant! Little be known to us, Jacen was already with us. Just a little bean, who made me cry when I realized that all the plans I had made would mean nothing, and I had no plans ready for a baby. Homeward still, we went not knowing but trusting. We agreed that Jacen was coming in the perfect timing and that God would provide (easier said than done). The number of times that was said in pure faith are innumerable… most of the time that I would say it I felt like I sounded so dumb and irresponsible, or at least that people viewed me that way.

We got home and a month went by… then two… then three. Trav still didn’t have a job. Why? We applied almost every day, filled out over 100 applications over 3 months time. It was in a moment of despair that we received our first and only call back from all of those applications. That got the ball rolling, a seasonal job, one month of work, but a job. The next job came after a week of waiting to hear back from 3 jobs that has promising interviews… with a 4^th option on the back burner. We were unsure about that one, but only wanted to take it if it was where God wanted us to go. One day after another we heard back from the 3 jobs and each one had found a reason by the time they called back why they couldn’t hire or didn’t need to hire Trav anymore. We knew God was leading us towards the 4^th option. A fourth month goes by.

Our plan was to be with my parents for only 2 months. In our 4^th month living with them we prayed and prayed that we would have a place by the end of August. Some of you have read that story. A miracle happened… we found a house, not a one-bedroom apartment… a house.

The story goes on… so many more details… so many moments of just not knowing, and God following through. So many moments where we thought we were at the end, in terms of options, of decisions, financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally, relationally… and it was always in the final moment that God would respond. We stared into what seemed like a black abyss so many times, only to find our way when it mattered most. Faith-building, that was 2013.

Praying and listening for 2014, I just heard God’s heart express a new start. We just had a baby and that’s already new… but I felt a physical, tangible line drawn between December 31^st and January 1^st. 2014 is brand new.  Now we believe for a year of revealing, a year of discovery, a year of ADVENTURE. My heart quickens with excitement as He fills it with expectation for this new year. Each year gets better and better. Each year I grow older, wiser, gain more experience, grow stronger and somehow love more… Each year brings something fresh and new. We are in a position this year to move forward in ways that we couldn't last year. Finally settled, the baby is here, got the ball rolling for employment… it puts us in a position where we can have some real adventures, and that makes my heart race just to think about.

Last year, we didn’t even have time to think between moving countries, getting settled and having a baby… no time is left just to BE. This year will have cognitive, reflective, decisive moments, full of the richness of life. Our focus will not be on surviving and getting from one day to the next if we can but on building. Each day will be more than the day before. Who we are as a couple, as a family will move forward and not struggle to just exist. 2013, despite the obstacles, was such a fantastic year, an anthem of God’s faithfulness, His guidance, His love, His plans and His follow through, His presence and His goodness… 2014 will be even better than that.

January of 2013, we stood on the edge of the unknown, overwhelmed by the path in front of us that we couldn’t even see. We claimed a good year with a faith surrounded by uncertainty. January 2014, we stand on the edge crouched down the way we are before a race… our hearts full of anticipation and excitement as we step into this new year and all it has in store!

“The best is yet to come.” – Brian Houston

What Happened to the Rens?

What happened to the Rens? Yes, it has been a while. However, September was a pretty crazy month! I don't have any exciting pictures. This is just an account of our many adventures . So, where to begin? 

We were looking and looking for a place to live for a longer time than we had planned. Travis and I prayed that by the end of August, we would find a place. What do you think happens? A couple I’ve known since I was a girl end up having a little rental house that was becoming available after the previous tenants had been living there the past 5 years. When was their move out date? …end of August.  Wow. So grateful for God’s timing!

God has incredible timing… but He has a funny way of taking us through life as well. The night before we were meant to move in… everything we had shipped over from Australia that we had been storing in the garage was stolen. 24 boxes of household items.

I will never forget what it felt like… I saw the broken lock… as soon as I did I knew. At the same time I could just feel this sense of overwhelming peace. I couldn’t open the garage right away. I turned around and showed Trav the broken lock. His face was unreadable. Then we open it up, for the moment we knew was coming… and still… it was such a shock. To see it empty… all of our boxes gone. Everything we had been waiting for. The entire life we had built together in Australia was gone. That morning was hard. Making the calls, filing reports, starting the slow process of remembering item by item what we would never see again. Still, something incredible happened after that…

The house had been trashed… which we knew. We were planning to spend 2 weeks to fix it up. The day we found out our things were taken was the first day we were going to spend starting to fix it up. Walking into the house was almost as overwhelming as when our things were taken. Apart from the fact that the front door wasn’t even secured shut… the house was in worse condition than we anticipated. We didn’t know how we would complete building a livable home in the one month before the baby’s arrival.

Its amazing what God does, and what His community can do when they come together. Starting with that day and moving on into the following two weeks, people came to help. Incredible moment after incredible moment happened… peoples’ generosity and love and care for us was unfathomable. Aside from all their hard work, things were donated, time was spent… we could never repay what our friends and family did for us during that time. Our house wouldn’t be what it is now without each of those involved.

The final two events of September were not nearly as exciting although still a hassle.

One morning I woke up and heard scratching inside the bathroom wall… Woke up my husband and he confirmed… a rat. We hadn’t seen any evidence of rats up until that point. The next day we found droppings and heard it in the wall of the baby room. It all happened the week that the weather went cold. It turned overnight and the rats decided to find a warm place to live almost immediately! Long story short, we got rid of them. Rather miraculously. It almost doesn’t make sense. We only killed one, the poison was untouched and yet after trying to scare the group of the rest of them away, we haven’t heard any or seen any signs of them since.

Even less exciting, after that… I happened to catch the flu closely following the rodents. It was a pretty bad case and I had it for a week and a half. I was more than happy when that was over! Since then… its been crazy, nesting mother-to-be on my end! Putting up shelves, arranging furniture, organizing our kitchen, unpacking boxes. I filled the many hours away from my husband putting together our little home. Travis started and is now finishing studying for his CNA license; which is VERY exciting! 

Now that the story is told I have to say. I am left in utter disbelief when I think about and see everything that has been prepared… everything we have. We went from moving between countries, pregnant, without jobs or anywhere to live; without any idea of how we would get through any of it… to a house (not an apartment!), with all the baby stuff we need, a NURSURY… a job and an impending education! The only thing it leaves me to say is that GOD IS SO GOOD. He has taken such good care of us, each and every step of the way. Thats the story of the Ren Clan for the time being. All that’s left now is the waiting game. Scheduled for induction on Friday! We are actually kinda hoping little Ren comes before then! Can't believe how much our lives are about to change!! Biggest thank you to everyone that has taken part in our journey! We wouldn't be where we are now without each and every one of you!