"Try living life in my shoes"

The other day, I was thinking about a story Bobbie Houston once told us about her and her daughter. It brought forward some thoughts that I put before you very humbly knowing that I am a new mom, and new at life really... Learning and growing constantly... These are just some very honest thoughts I had following this story:

I can't remember the specifics but life at Hillsong is very full. Especially if you are a person in leadership, your list of responsibilities and expectations is long. One day, Bobbies daughter (Laura) was talking to Bobbie about it, Laura has a little girl. She was talking about all those responsibilities and what it's like to do them with a little girl... She asked her mom "It's hard isn't it mom? I mean it's a lot!" (something around those lines). Bobbie told us that she had to stop herself from saying, "No!!" She then explained to us that for her, doing ministry for so many years and having raised a family, she now does it without thinking. Bobbie had to stop herself and remember that she's gone through more growth and her capacity has been stretched so much more than Lauras. She had to remember that her daughter was facing a different season, a newer season. So, with that realization, she instead replied, "Yea, yea I reckon it is hard!" 

I loved that story, and it's obviously stuck with me... Now for two reasons...

My first reason is that I am now a new mom and something I learned very quickly after having Jacen is that (intentionally or not), there is a HUGE compare game that happens behind the scenes of us [as moms] and our children. From comparing our children's development, to comparing the difficulty of raising them to comparing what we do and accomplish each day. As a new mom, the one you face the most is the difficulty comparison because you only have one kid. I find people asking me "Is this your first? Oh! Well, enjoy it because thats the easiest one!" Sometimes I find myself feeling pressured or even guilty, "gosh, I have no right to even think it's hard raising my kid, she has to deal with 3 kids!" Every moment where I've felt helpless and out of my depth then feels pointless in comparison. Remembering Bobbies story has helped so much in realizing.... You know what? It's not necessarily easier, their capacity is simply stronger and larger than mine because they've raised their first kid already. I might not be taking care of 3 kids, but I'm taking care of one more person than I'm used to... And that person is dependent on me in every way which makes it a whole new sort of life change to get used to. If I struggle to get places on time, it does not make me a pathetic comparison to someone with 5 kids who gets everywhere early... Because I'm still learning, and for me it is still a challenge. My capacity is growing. One day I will look back at raising one kid as easy too.

A friend of mine has two kids, and I'm sure aspects of raising her baby are easier to her since she has done it before, but having two kids raises a whole new set of challenges. Her capacity is being stretched. 

What people don't realize when they make comments like "try it with 3 kids," is that it actually belittles and devalues someone else's season. How sad that is because instead, we could be drawing so much wisdom from someone with 3 on how to get through our season of 1 or 2! [I'm talking about his from the perspective of mothers and as a mother, but this applies to so many areas of life]. The "try living life in my shoes" statement, however put, you are not only lowering the value of someone else's experience but you are competing from a negative stand point, for a negative position. I'm sure you've heard it like this before too… "Gosh, that was a hard situation I faced the other day!" -- "You think that was hard? You should have seen me facing x, y, and z".

Why do we do that? Compete for the hardest situation in life? Why do we need to make others feel that one life is harder than another? Or on the other end, why do we need to feel like our life is inferior because the other persons life is harder... And because we feel that way, we are apologetic for thinking that whatever we might be facing is hard at all. Why not, instead, when someone expresses a struggle, try encouraging them and uplifting them. Maybe even provide some tools for them to get through it. It takes effort and a change of perspective to change the way we respond to people. I've had my fair share of thoughtless, selfish responses. But there is an entire culture built around trying to be the one to face the worst in life (at least in conversation)… to what end? "Congratulations, you are the most miserable of all of us?" No, thank you. I prefer to live a happy life, striving to be better, stronger and more capable.

Thats the second reason that I love Bobbies story; because it reminds me that my capacity will grow. One day I will be able to raise kids, run a family, work in ministry, maintain a social life, pour into people etc. without even batting an eye-lash. Or at least I can strive for excellence in those areas and know that there will be growth. It reminds me that I'm young, learning, new to this and all that is ok. The best part is that I have room to grow, the best part is that there is so much capacity to stretch and fill yet! Who knows what the result will be when I'm a wizened old women with life experience who's done the journey and can now pass it onto the next generation.

There are so many groups of people I hope to reach out to with this blog. The moms who are new and just learning like me, be encouraged that whether your learning how to live with just one new baby or two, or even three... That's your season! Gods entrusted you with it. He knows what your capable of and won't push you past your limits. Live your season fully and well, without pressure that you aren't as good as the mom who seems to have so much more on her plate. Once you have two kids, you probably will think that having one kid is so much easier, and it probably is… so do enjoy having your one baby! And grow as much as you can to prepare for the adventure that awaits you with the next one!

The moms who have lived longer, do more, have more kids... Pass on your wisdom to us new girls! Remember your first baby and all your old challenges! They might seem so easy to you now but some of us are still paddling just to keep our heads above water! That's why I love MOPS so much, it's a gold mine of wisdom from moms who know what they're doing while still being a place that recognizes we all face challenges and we are here to do them together.

To all of us, our capacity always has room to grow, to be stretched, to be challenged. Embrace the challenges knowing that you will come out stronger than you were. You will look back and think "wow, if I had to do that again, it would be easy now." Some of us might think another persons challenges look easy, but you have difficulties in your life that might seem easy to them as well. And then along the way, be encouraging with your words… be aware when someone expresses a struggle, don't one-up them with something you're going through… We are on this journey of life together, we ought to learn from each other, encourage each other, bring out the best of each other and help each other along. Lets be life-givers, not show-stealers.

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up…" 1 Thessalonians 4:11 [ESV]

"Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God's favor) to those who hear it." Ephesians 4:29 [AMP]

"Make the most of every opportunity. Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out." Colossians 4:6 [MSG]

"My name is Jacen, hear me ROAR”

Jacen, that’s our son. That’s our baby boy! Not even three months yet (but he WILL be sooooon). I am amazed every day as I’m sure every new mom before has been with their babies, as he constantly learns. Before I get a chance to blink, he has learned how to do something new, grasp intentionally, smile, laugh, stick his tongue out when I do, look from side to side, follow my voice… everyday he learns something new and is all excitement to show me and to show off. He flirts, he giggles, he loves just about anyone giving him attention. His personality erupts from him. I am forever in awe of how much personality such a little thing can have, and how fast it starts to show.

Jace knows what he likes and he knows what he dislikes. Not only that, but he knows how to tell you. Already, we can see that he loves us as parents, but he is independent. Once he’s figured something out, he wants to do it. We want him to cuddle, but he wants to see the world. Different rooms, different sounds, different activities… he is enraptured and enthralled. He gets bored if we sit too long and he has ENERGY… we call him our little wiggle worm because sometimes he won’t stop moving! I lay him on his back and all four limbs are flailing. His arm and leg movements get more and more intentional but he cannot wait to figure out what to do with them. Now that he can hold himself up during tummy time, he is dying to move, always moving. Bath time sets him off as he commands the waves with his continual splashing... Completely enamored with the fact that he has an affect on the substance around him.

There is so much we have yet to discover about who our little man will grow up to be, and we are so excited to see it all unfold! The nicknames we come up with because of the little things he does are endless! Some come and go, some will probably stick around for a few more years. 

I look at Jacen, watch him smile and see the life he hasn't  even lived yet flash before my eyes. I see the drawings, the projects, the first day of school and the last, the sledding, the falls, the skinned knees, the can-i-keep-them pets, the bullies, the girlfriends, the mistakes, the tears, the undoubtable-endless laughs, the family nights, his journey of self-discovery, his graduation, the day he will leave for college. All of that rich, loved life fills my brain and I'm overwhelmed with excitement, anticipation, fear and awe. We get the honor of doing that journey with him, and we walk into that with all the love and excitement we have! 

There will be challenge, there will be opposition... He will face dark days as well as good days. He will fall and we hope to teach him how to get back up. But more than anything we hope to not only teach him to overcome challenges but to rise far above them. Thinking about this adventure-filled life he has yet to live, if there was one thing I hope he gets from his father and me in how to live it.... It's to live it fiercely. To live it full and live well, in love with His creator and founded in the identity that He gives him. It's to stand on the edge of the mountain and be able to shout "My name is Jacen, hear me roar." The book Wild At Heart talks about how boys intrinsically desire to be seen as a force to be reckoned with. My prayer is that Jacen finds the fulfillment of that desire in Christ and lives it out in confidence. 

I'm so happy we had a boy. I would've been amazingly happy to have a girl... But there is just something so much fun for me that I get the crazy enjoyment of raising a little man. I get the day that he will find the tree frog in our front bush and want to bring it in. I get the gross stories, all the nerdy boy things (which in my opinion are better than girl toys), I get the stick-sword fights, later on, the girl-friends (also better than dealing with the boyfriends).... Just thinking about each moment, I wish I could live them at the same time! If we had had a girl, I would be facing an entirely different adventure, and I would welcome it... But this, I find exhilarating.

When it comes to how quickly he will grow... This year alone will be full of firsts... Hard to believe how different he will be by the end of it all! Still, there is nothing but child-like excitement in my heart, as it sets off racing when I think about each moment. He's our little bean right now, our little goober, our sweet boy full of nothing but smiles and giggles. One day he will be a full grown man, ready to romance some lucky girl, ready to climb a mountain, ready to conquer, ready to show the world the person God made him to be. So the next time you see my little Jacen, just picture him saying "My name is Jacen, hear me ROAR!" As hard as that might be to do when he gives you that cute, little, heart-melting smile! 

A Reflection on 2013 and the New Year

I’ve made a simple goal with my New Years blog and that was to get it posted before the end of January. Getting it out halfway through while taking care of a two month old… I’m not ashamed to say I am fairly impressed with myself. Maybe someone else could have done better but I don’t particularly care. For me, that is pretty stinkin’ good.

Those of you that follow us know that this last year has been incredibly hard by any normal standard of life. When I look back on it myself now that I’m past the emotions of the moment… I am amazed at what we experienced. I was thankful to find a morning at the beginning of this month where I actually had a chance to simply reflect on 2013 and listen and hear what’s in store for 2014.

After reflecting, I would say the defining way to describe 2013 is that it was a year of the unknown. From January to December, we were following God blindly. There was no knowing what to expect. The magnitude of it all impresses itself onto me when I think about it deep enough… Putting myself into the past, into that moment where I just realized I felt like we were being called home. 2013 hadn’t happened yet. It was January of last year, Travis and I had just enjoyed New Years in the city of Sydney and were expectant and excited for another year at Hillsong. Then one week, not long after that… I sat Trav down and expressed that I suddenly felt like it was time to go home, with NO idea why. I remember being so overwhelmed when the new songs started to play during service at Hillsong… they played “Oceans” for the first time and I wept. That song defines our entire year.

We talked to the people in our lives at the time, seeking wisdom, seeking confirmation about the possibility of us going home. A few were skeptical, but we got our answer… Homeward. And then… it wasn’t until MARCH that we found out. We bought our tickets in January, and we made preparations through February. We sold belongings, applied to colleges, we readied our hearts for the move, and it wasn’t until the week before our flight that we found out. We were pregnant! Little be known to us, Jacen was already with us. Just a little bean, who made me cry when I realized that all the plans I had made would mean nothing, and I had no plans ready for a baby. Homeward still, we went not knowing but trusting. We agreed that Jacen was coming in the perfect timing and that God would provide (easier said than done). The number of times that was said in pure faith are innumerable… most of the time that I would say it I felt like I sounded so dumb and irresponsible, or at least that people viewed me that way.

We got home and a month went by… then two… then three. Trav still didn’t have a job. Why? We applied almost every day, filled out over 100 applications over 3 months time. It was in a moment of despair that we received our first and only call back from all of those applications. That got the ball rolling, a seasonal job, one month of work, but a job. The next job came after a week of waiting to hear back from 3 jobs that has promising interviews… with a 4^th option on the back burner. We were unsure about that one, but only wanted to take it if it was where God wanted us to go. One day after another we heard back from the 3 jobs and each one had found a reason by the time they called back why they couldn’t hire or didn’t need to hire Trav anymore. We knew God was leading us towards the 4^th option. A fourth month goes by.

Our plan was to be with my parents for only 2 months. In our 4^th month living with them we prayed and prayed that we would have a place by the end of August. Some of you have read that story. A miracle happened… we found a house, not a one-bedroom apartment… a house.

The story goes on… so many more details… so many moments of just not knowing, and God following through. So many moments where we thought we were at the end, in terms of options, of decisions, financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally, relationally… and it was always in the final moment that God would respond. We stared into what seemed like a black abyss so many times, only to find our way when it mattered most. Faith-building, that was 2013.

Praying and listening for 2014, I just heard God’s heart express a new start. We just had a baby and that’s already new… but I felt a physical, tangible line drawn between December 31^st and January 1^st. 2014 is brand new.  Now we believe for a year of revealing, a year of discovery, a year of ADVENTURE. My heart quickens with excitement as He fills it with expectation for this new year. Each year gets better and better. Each year I grow older, wiser, gain more experience, grow stronger and somehow love more… Each year brings something fresh and new. We are in a position this year to move forward in ways that we couldn't last year. Finally settled, the baby is here, got the ball rolling for employment… it puts us in a position where we can have some real adventures, and that makes my heart race just to think about.

Last year, we didn’t even have time to think between moving countries, getting settled and having a baby… no time is left just to BE. This year will have cognitive, reflective, decisive moments, full of the richness of life. Our focus will not be on surviving and getting from one day to the next if we can but on building. Each day will be more than the day before. Who we are as a couple, as a family will move forward and not struggle to just exist. 2013, despite the obstacles, was such a fantastic year, an anthem of God’s faithfulness, His guidance, His love, His plans and His follow through, His presence and His goodness… 2014 will be even better than that.

January of 2013, we stood on the edge of the unknown, overwhelmed by the path in front of us that we couldn’t even see. We claimed a good year with a faith surrounded by uncertainty. January 2014, we stand on the edge crouched down the way we are before a race… our hearts full of anticipation and excitement as we step into this new year and all it has in store!

“The best is yet to come.” – Brian Houston